June Power Rankings
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| Sunrise over Hilton Head Island, SC. |
On the less fun front, I managed to sprain my ankle running after a frisbee Tuesday at the beach. This isn't one of those walk it off ones either. My wife was videoing me walking to the car after dinner to show her friends who are here with us, laughing because I'm not seriously hurt, but sympathetic enough to get me ice packs. I may have googled "How long does it take to recover from a sprained ankle?" at dinner. I told Andrew, my oldest, that I really don't want to be hobbling around Tormenta Stadium Sunday night at the W-League game. He said 'It would be entertaining for me," so clearly sympathy is not needed here. With luck as you're reading this I'll be good to go, but I'm not 18 anymore so I don't think I heal as quickly as I used to.
Anyway, you're not here for an update on my health (good except for my ankle) or my vacation (also good, except for my ankle), you're here for Power Rankings. It's not enough to look at the standings and figure out who is good and who isn't. You need the advanced metrics that only we here at StormWatch912 can bring you. So let's go. This month, we're ranking teams by how much their official team name (as listed on the USL League One Clubs page) are worth if you could play the entire name in Scrabble. (Those teams that went with FC over SC got a three point bonus... just a heads up to any future expansion teams thinking about their naming conventions) (All scores taken from Scrabble Word Score Calculator)
12. Union Omaha (15 points) (-4) - One of two teams to score below 30 on this list. Too many vowels and only 10 letters. They never really stood a chance. It's almost like they didn't consider Scrabble points at all when they named the team. Who am I to say what is or isn't a lack of foresight?
11. Lexington SC (21 points) (-1) - The "X" is helpful, but other than that, just not enough there. Going with FC would get them to 24, but it's still near the bottom of the league. Other than April, Lexington has been near the bottom of these power rankings all season.
10. Knoxville SC (30 points) (-5) - The "X" and the "K" had me thinking they'd be higher, but another relatively short team name that opted against FC to their detriment. Don't feel too bad for them, they'll still celebrating the University of Tennessee's Men's College World Series victory so they probably won't even notice this ranking until the middle of next week.
9. Forward Madison FC (31 points) (-5) - The "FC" gets them into the top 10, which I'm sure is all they care about in Madison this week. I always feel like the "W" is worth more than it actually is. Still, a disappointing showing. I thought they'd have been higher.
T-7 Charlotte Independence (32 points) (-1) - Can I be honest with you all? Independence is a word I never feel like I spell correctly. There should be an "A" in there somewhere, right? It's not just me, is it? Another team with no SC or FC suffix.
T-7 Greenville Triumph SC (32 points) (No Change) - The SC gets them past Knoxville and Madison and into a tie with Charlotte. All the "E"s and "L"s are not helping here for Greenville. Some may have you believe they're the best team in the league, but our data-driven formula says that's not the case. Who's right? We may never know.
6. Richmond Kickers (33 points) (+3) - Those two "K"s come in huge, at five points each. Richmond is our highest team without an SC or FC at the end. Does that mean anything? Life is a rich tapestry and we don't all find meaning in the same places. Some find it in religion or spirituality. Others in nature. Still others in family and friends. And some in the fact that Richmond is sixth in the June Power Rankings without an SC or FC in their team name. The world is a big place and as long as you're not hurting others, who am I to tell you where to find meaning?
5. South Georgia Tormenta FC (34 points) (+7) - You thought they'd be higher. I thought they'd be higher. Another team with so many vowels in their name that even though they have 21 letters, they only get to 34 points.
4. Spokane Velocity FC (36 points) (-1) - A "K" and a "V" and an "FC" come up huge for Spokane, getting them to fourth. It remains weird to me that on the USL League One website on mobile, Spokane is the only team to get their full, legal, government name listed in the standings. This has confused me for a while. Please, someone let me know who at the League office I can reach out to in an attempt to find out why it's like this.
T-2. Central Valley Fuego FC (37 points) (No Change) - A "V," a couple of "F"s and Central Valley out here competing for the top spot in the rankings. They don't quite get there, but a strong showing in back-to-back months has to have Fuego fans feeling good about their place in these made up rankings.
T-2. Chattanooga Red Wolves SC (37 points) (-1) - A small drop from the top spot last month, but still, another strong showing for Chattanooga. "V"s should be worth more, but then again, Scrabble is a worldwide game with all kinds of competitions and even a good book about the competitive nature of the game that has been out for more than 20 years. So "V" is probably properly weighted for the game. Still, an FC here for the Red Wolves and they get second all to themselves. If only they'd known. If only they'd known.
1. Northern Colorado Hailstorm FC (43 points) (+10) - Just a dominating performance from Northern Colorado this month. Five points clear of the field and a jump from 11 to 1 in just a month. What more can you say about a team that has its head coach in a hoodie when it's 97 degrees at kickoff? (Well, other than, please, don't do that. It seems unnecessary and potentially dangerous. I joked that the hydration break in that game as as much for Zayed as it was for the players.)
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