I've got the Power (Rankings)

It's Power Rankings time. You can tell by the
photo not related to anything.

There's an old saying in baseball that you never look at the standings before Memorial Day. The early season is too volatile and things need some time to settle down before you can make any sense of things. A six-game winning streak in early April is going to have a much more dramatic impact on the standings than a six-game winning streak in early August. 

Much like bourbon, it takes time to get things right. Time in the oak barrels are needed to get the taste just right and.... you know, I'm not actually a bourbon drinker so I'm kind of just trying to sound smart. People say fine bourbon takes time. I saw a 60 Minutes piece on the people who make the barrels for it. It all seems like too much for me. I'm glad people enjoy it but I really don't need to pretend to know anything about it. 

Much like baseball standings or bourbon, Power Rankings need time to marinate. Sure, some of those other places might have already put out power rankings multiple times this season, but what did you really get from them that early in the season?

"Ummm, we got perspective about how those teams were playing at the moment relative to expectations and insight on how the early part of the season was going. If nothing else, we got a brief reprieve from the horrors of the world around us and that temporary distraction brought us joy or happiness even if our team wasn't doing as well as we'd hoped they'd be doing. It gave us a connection with our fellow fans as we complained or celebrated our team's ranking and the perceived badness of our rivals. These rankings, as arbitrary as they may be, unite us all in something bigger than ourselves. It makes us look outside of our bubble at the larger league, appreciating the great players and performances and are a chance for us to revel in the play of our team. 

Fine, but other than the early season insight, the joy, the sense of community, the chance to revel in our team's success and chance to gloat over our rival's failures, and the opportunity to appreciate something larger than our individual circumstances, what have the Rankings ever done for us?

Now that Memorial Day is here, it's time for the Stormwatch912 Power Rankings. The dust has begun to settle and we can take a clear eyed look at each team and the vibes surrounding them. And what better way to assess the vibes of a team then to put an actual number on it. Not a ranking (though we'll be doing that), but a calculation on the vibes of a team. And how do we do that, but going to areavibes.com (not sponsored, but Area Vibes, if you're reading, you could be a sponsor). 

Area Vibes claims to help you find the best place to live in the United States (or Canada) by ranking various aspects of a city or town and creating a livability scale from 0-100. I wonder if their scale is miscalibrated as the highest score in 2024 was an 88 (Congratulations to Cary, NC), but sometimes I look around the country and wonder if any place really deserves a high "B" at this point. 

For what it's worth, I have no idea how these scores are determined and how accurate they are but that's not going to stop me from using them. 

For our purposes, if a team uses a region as their name (South Georgia, Texoma, Antelope Valley) we used the city their stadium is located for their rankings. So let's get to it.

14 - Texoma FC (59 Livability Score) - Sherman, Texas scores the lowest on our list, fairing poorly in amenities, commute, health and safety  and schools. It did score well in cost of living and housing. The comments left did not inspire confidence that living there was nice, though one person said if you get past the druggies that will break in to your house and car, medical and dental facilities are abundant and adequate. I don't know why, but that struck me as a humorous way to include those facts. 

T-12 South Georgia Tormenta (68) - Statesboro got an A+ for Cost of Living and for Health and Safety, but F's in Commute (minimal public transportation), Employment, and User Ratings (people who left comments do NOT like Statesboro). For a town this size (31,000 in the city limits), there's a surprisingly large amount to do thanks to Ga. Southern. Nevertheless, Statesboro finishes near the bottom, tied with....

T-12 Westchester (68) - Westchester County scored well in commute, crime (presumably low) and health and safety, which is all good. But failing grades in schools, cost of living and amenities drop it down to a 68. This score may seem low, but it's better than 69 percent of the rest of the country, according to Area Vibes, which makes sense. A place with a professional sports team has to be doing pretty well to sustain that level of support.

11. - AV Alta (69) - While getting failing grades in both crime and cost of living, the website notes that crime in Lancaster is seven percent lower than the California average and the cost of living is 11 percent lower than the state average. Lancaster does well in housing, commute and amenities, so it sounds like if you can afford to live there, it's a nice place to live. 

10. One Knox (73) - Only one failing grade (crime), though employment and schools barely get a passing grade, Knoxville gets A+ ratings for cost of living, housing and commute. I was a little surprised by the C+ for amenities as I figured the University of Tennessee would make that score a little higher. Nevertheless, a top-10 ranking for League One cities. 

9. Chattanooga (76) - Beating out it Tennessee counterpart, Chattanooga has the distinction of being the first place on our list with five A grades (amenities, commute, cost of living, housing and health and safety). Dragging it down are the two things every young family asks about when moving to a new location, crime and schools. Soccer field drainage is not one of the categories, so Chattanooga is ok here.

8. Naples (79) - It's expensive to live in Naples, but otherwise, what's not to love? Ok, maybe the commute, but otherwise, a C+ or better in everything. Lots to do, low crime, good employment numbers and you're right on the beach. I get why players would want to play there. My only surprise is it's not rated higher on this list.

7. Charlotte (80) - The user ratings on here were brutal for a place that, other than crime, scores really well. But those comments. One person said Charlotte is safe and family friendly, but there's nothing unique about it. Another said it's a city for business and not to move there if you're looking for fun. I don't know, Independence games seem fun to me.

6. Spokane (81) - Crime is a problem, according to their score, which is also what the user ratings mention, but otherwise, Spokane looks like a pretty good place. Four A+ ratings, schools get a B+ and other than crime stats, it looks great. The cost of living is 11 percent lower than the state and it's 81 livability score is considered exceptional. 

T-4 Greenville (82) - Another place where other than crime, scores extremely well. It scores lower than the city below it because it's the home of Furman University and I will never miss an opportunity to remind you that Furman sucks and I'm not still bitter about the 1988 1-AA National Championship game when Furman defeated Georgia Southern 17-12 and even though I was only nine I'm still mad about it. Anyway, Furman aside, Greenville seems nice with lots to do, affordable housing and a slightly higher than the state average cost of living, which I can only assume is the Furman penalty.

T-4 Madison (82) - When I first started down this road, I assumed Madison would be on top just based on all the great things I've heard about the city. It's the first one on the list not to receive a failing grade on anything (not even a D). Another surprise where the amenities score is lower than I'd have guessed just because of the city being the home of the University of Wisconsin. Maybe I overestimate how much colleges add to a city because Georgia Southern swamps Statesboro. Still, you come ahead of Greenville.

3. Omaha (83) - A poor Crime score, but good in everything else except user ratings. (I really need to take the age old internet advice and never read the comments.) The cost of living is a little higher than the rest of the state, but with that you have access to all that Omaha has to offer, which when I clicked on the Amenities tab, the top entertainment option listed is "Warren Buffet's home" and now I'm wondering if I've made a terrible mistake using Area Vibes as my metric for Power Rankings. "Look kids, there's Warren Buffet's home. Aren't you glad we moved here so you could see that?"

2. Richmond (84) - No failing grades for any of our categories, though I'm looking suspiciously at the "D-" for crime when I read that Richmond is 115% higher than the state average. I'm going to just assume that the rest of the state is REALLY low on crime and Richmond's an outlier but still not failing. Still, this appears to be a great place to live, topped only by one League One city.

1. Portland (85) - Like Naples, this appears to be one of those "if you can afford to live here, it's a great place to live" as the cost of living gets a "D-" but everything else scores really well. One commenter said the winters are tough but it's worth it for the rest of the year there. As someone who thinks anything under 40 is cold, I'll have to take that person's word for it.